Men has always had a reputation of being infidels and in the statistics the difference between the two sexes in those terms had always been notorious. But, recent studies show that women are already stepping in trying to keep up with men. In a study in the USA with 900 participants, the results showed that the gap between the two genders has been closing. Undeniably, when they were asked about this issue 19% of the women were unfaithful somewhere along the relationships, compared to 23% of men. In Europe similar studies show that 20% of men have been unfaithful to their wives, compared to 15% of women.
One reason for this dramatic increase is the fact that being unfaithful is much easier today because there is an enabling environment for it. On one side there is the technology. According to many sexologists, the instant messaging and social networks provide the new intimate spaces that promote such relationships. Just take sites and apps like Tinder, Snapchat, OkCupid, Hinge, Grindr, and many more similar to them. Even a lot of the Facebook users are using this social network to keep alive the flames of old loves, to seduce friends and cultivate future possible adventures, in relationships that are known as "a woman/man on the side”.
Culturally, the view on the subject has been relaxing. Today the idea of polyamory, having several love affairs simultaneously, as an alternative to live a fulfilling life; finds a thousands and thousands subscribes online of both sexes who are willing to meet other married bored with monogamy. All this has ended with the notion that the infidelity is something wrong and serious.
Women have always been blamed of being spoilsports of sex in marriage. Many believe that it was because in the past women had no choice but to leave to men the leadership in the arts of passion. But as a change in attitude occurs against female sexuality, today they know what they want and are willing to get it on their own. The question we all need to ask when a woman is unmotivated for sex it is why? The answer would be because the quality is poor. Men has always gotten away with doing the minimum, but now women are beginning to request more of them and that creates problems in relationships. So, the men better become better lover od they get better sex elsewhere.
The recent studies on sexuality show that the lack of desire of married women it’s not something inevitable, but the result of a long monogamy. Apparently, they would be much more intolerant of always having to go to bed with the same person and need more variety then men think. Even though the evolutionary psychology has taught us that women are genetically designed to me monogamous, today that’s a fairy tale. Men and women are very different. Men are more likely to feel good with just a simple penetration, but women want many other things. Both men and women are wired in the brain differently for sex. Women love to be seduces and for men to hunt them, and this new trend on modern relationships apps gives them that notion. In that sense they want more time for sexual pregame than men. But when other circumstances of married life, like children, work, fatigue, interfere in the relationship, there seems to be lacking time for pregame. Everything stays in simple desires. With that noise in the relationship, there isn’t time for more intimate communication because there is always a third party between the two. With time, many of them believe that the best thing would be to run out and find another relationship where they can find pleasure that they don’t get at home, even if it is only for a little while.
In the list of the reasons we cannot fail to mention that expectations in marriage have changed. While it is true that once women were seeking safety and partnership, today, when they know that they can support themselves, they want attention, recognition and a full sexual life. This has raised questions about the idea that today women live in a sexual empowerment. But we must remember that is not the economic power that makes them feel infidels but the genuine freedom to explore their sexuality.
A study made in Netherlands found that indeed having a position of power was associated with reported cases of infidelity or intention of being unfaithful. Many previous studies have shown that when women gain resources and power by their own means, their dependence on men decreases and the possibility of infidelity increases.
The owner of the Ashley Madison web site, Noel Biderman, an online dating service and social networking service based in Canada, designed for married people with more than 31 million of subscribers in 49 countries, said that to know if a woman is going to be unfaithful he would look upon her salary and if she earns more that is the key factor. And in that scenario where women are gaining power at work, according to Biderman, they will not accept mediocre performances in bed of their husbands.
But, from a female point of view, it is not about that women are taking the sexual power but returning to it for millions of years they had parity of conditions in their households. And what they do with that sexual power, that they are claiming back today, will affect their vision of monogamy.
The monogamy is not part of human DNA. Scientists have shown that this as all the other animals of the animal kingdom are adulterous by nature, but this does not mean that a couple cannot become faithful. Being monogamous is a mental decision. The funny thing is the antidote to infidelity; according to experts, it is simple: communication. The same Birdeman who boasts on having a relationship that is free of infidelity, says that if everyone could talk to their partner without problems about their sexual desires he would be out of work. But that does not happen.
Couples talk about everything, work, children, problems, but not about themselves and that conversation is the key to intimacy, one aspect of the relationship that not only happens in bed. They initiate a conversation in order to criticize, correct or give orders and this undermine the desire to be together. That is why encouraging an intimate dialogue in with both sides are heard is a sure path to better understanding and towards a better and more intimate relationship. And in that deep intimacy sex will follow.
In UK, a couple unsatisfied with their sexual relationship tried to find someone else online with whom they, separately, could fulfill their desires and that way keep their marring intact. The wife found a partner that was suitable in every possible way, they shared the same desires and the same loggings; the husband found a woman who understood his sexual requests and they both arrange a meeting, without knowing that the other spouse did the same. At the meeting they found out that they were talking to each other online the whole time they were trying to cheat on their partner. The only thing they were lacking was and honest and sincere conversation where they could voice out their needs and desires. They were cheating each other with each other and they learned a lot from that experience. So, conversation is the key to avoiding an infidelity.
Solution to this problem can be approached based on the individual with the profile of infidel who can’t have a stable relationship and who desires it; and it can also focus based on the couple if the central problem is more adjoined on external factors that influence either of them to be unfaithful. When the problem focuses mostly on the reality of two of them, there must be a disposition from both parts to solve the situation. It is highly recommended to look for a professional help. Dealing with these problems on your own is difficult when feeling are involved. If it is too difficult for a coupe to try to work out this process on their own, they have the possibility to seek the help of a licensed counselor who specializes in matrimonial matters. A marriage counselor can help them deal with their emotions and have a more constructive conversation. But, we must remember that couples’ therapy does not provide an instant solution. Restoring confidence in your relationship will take time, like with everything else in life.
So, have any of you visit one of those sites, searching of a quick fix of the problem, avoiding to face the reality and looking in someone else what you don’t find in your marriage? Have you followed the modern trend and found another person who understands better your needs and requirements? Have you been even unfaithful and regretted it, or is it so trendy that doesn’t even bother you anymore? Please give us your opinion on the subject and share your experiences.