The world is changed. I feel it in the water. I feel it in the earth – is the first sentence from The Lord of the Rings. And what a prophecy from the lord of the pen, Tolkien himself. What is wrong with the world today? Why are failed relationships the modern world trend? What are we doing wrong and why are we doing it? Can we name the trend today that is the guilty party for failure in the love equation? Let’s try.
Have you heard about a trend called Friends with benefits, there is even a movie about it!? Nowadays they make movies about every issue, and this one apparently is very trendy. A mix of companionship, friendship, love, and no definition of the "relationship” is the new tendency. Friends get to get together with no expectation for a future affiliation. There are many myths surrounding this issue, and especially doubts because this is a complicated but very interesting topic. But yes, everyone knows these relationships, albeit from afar. But why all the fuss?
People say that there are no restrictions, no claims. It is a platonic relationship without love. They are not branded as a couple and they don’t have a routine to follow. They are open to other romantic affiliations at any time. It is a time for emotional transition for both. So why relationship fail so often? It ends when one of then finds a stable partner and falls in love with someone else. There is no infatuation just affection, attachment, and attraction. There is no planning a future together, despite their sexual and emotional attachment. Their meetings are casual and unplanned. But no one talks about the bad side of this arrangement, this modern trend. There is almost always a confusion of feelings. One or both of them end up wanting something more. It is clear that feeling cannot be controlled and both of them can end up hurt.
As much as you are clear about what you want and you think that it would never become anything serious, your feelings can betray you or make him/her see you differently. It can and it will ruin the friendship! It also happens that if you know someone with whom you want to start a relationship, your "friend” might feel bad and used or vice versa. Even though the rules seem clear at the beginning, you can never know what might happen. You should always have a clear picture of what might happen and that friend with benefits may not work as expected. The worst scenario implies that these situations are the end of the amity. This result is usually very common, because once the physical plane the dynamic between friends is lost.
It is important to consider this, especially if you are good friends and the friendship means a lot to you. You can get other relations with other people without damaging the bond you have with your friend. The consequence from this liaison brings a bigger impact on your life. You may close up to new possibilities of meeting someone else, there are no more dates and everything is limited to sex. And ultimately this arrangement affects your future liaisons. Even your current partner can feel jealous if you stay in contact with that person. Although friends with benefits seem a great idea, it is the main reason for failed relationships. So tread carefully!
Another reason for failed relationships is the long distance. The digitalization of the world has brought a lot of new and interesting things, one of them is the long distance relationship thanks to Skype, Viber, WhatsApp, Facebook. But is it a real relationship or a digital one? Can it survive today and at what cost? One of the problems that always appears in these cases is the absence of presence. I need you here! Faced with this appears a problem that is natural, like the need for physical contact to feel loved.
Although thanks to technology it is possible to "feel” close, but nothing replaces seeing the person in person, hearing her/his voice in person, or relying on her/him. IN a lot of cases sometimes appears misunderstandings about some conversations, as the Messenger or the phone cannot replace face-to-face communication. Can I trust in you? Is another question that appears in a long distance relationship. Disadvantages as the risk of infidelity is always a possibility. A possibility that people who are not so enamored when relating with more people find someone else close by. This leads to jealousy, which can cause numerous fights. At the end, people usually grow apart and start acting like strangers. A phone call becomes an obligation, a video talk duty, and a Messenger talk a habit. Long distance almost every time is lost cause.
But let’s not forget the main reason why relationship fail nowadays. Until the 50’s and 60’s men used to go out and make a living, women would stay at home and guard the fortress, take care the children. Today women have careers as much as men do. And they want to prosper and advance in their own profession before they commit to family life. Even then they want to continue and keep their jobs after the kids come. There is a bigger pressure on the men to help out with the house, the kids, and the family life. And that pressure is damaging every other relationship.
The family, in modern times, has suffered like no other institution the rush of the changes in society and culture. Some have remained faithful to the values, understanding the sacrifices everyone should make in order to succeed; others have been won by uncertainty and discouragement; others walk in doubt and ignorance of its nature and mission. But they all agree on something. Relationships have changed compared to those before and yes, perhaps it is because of the lack of commitment or the need to feel the freedom that now you can be happy without the necessity to have a significant other. Now, trust is a factor that affects the society in general. It is clear to jealous people that this is fundamental. But, just ask yourself, for whom trust is not important? And even more, when the thing you are looking for goes beyond a simple commitment. A relationship consisted of two people to whom society affects both directly and indirectly. It is also true that in these times it is more difficult to have a relationship because now there is more freedom in how we relate to others. And at the same time, there is such ignorance and intolerance towards the other person. The pressure of time to have everything fast, use it and move on; the lack of commitment; the absence of desire to endure for something. Everything is fast, here and now, without consideration to others. No thinking of consequences and the constant need to feel comfortable without thinking if you are affecting other people. A lot of people only look for someone to pass the time, to have fun, to forget. That need is even influenced by our friends who feel the necessity to demand something, like another couple. And when don’t find it themselves they try getting it online, creating dating profiles, pretending to be someone else, looking for something they don’t want or getting something they don’t desire. They even try matchmaking services believing that someone else can arrange their lives better. Everything just to stay in the straight line and not color outside of it. Be like everyone else and don’t ask for too much is the new meme of this century. Diversity is bad and uniqueness not needed. Survive blending in. Find a friend with benefits, go to a blind date, have a long distance thing, date online. Just be present so you can fit in. Don’t question why is difficult to start a relationship that lasts, where couples are together for a few years, where they have had to go through difficult situations and turned out even stronger from it. That’s so last century! Open relations without greater commitment; people who are only happy with short courtships that allow them to feel accomplished, and a growing majority who has decided to declare themselves as "forever alone”, because they just cannot find the indicated partner or are tired of emotional troubles. That’s the future of platonic relationship. Divorces increase, the love of your life becomes plural, your independence has no limits. Living together separately, in different houses or even different states. A very dystopian view.
Love relationships nowadays are hampered by self-development, the necessity and the independence of an individual that every day is more and more worn-out from the routine. Free relations, but not less profound, ages that do not understand a loving state, cyber fever… perhaps there will be a total evolution of love, losing the essence of a poem by Neruda or the passion of Gone with the Wind. The modern trend has wiped out the romance. Failed relationships are the evolution towards which people are running to. Maybe, just maybe we should go a few steps back and avoid all that. What do you think?