Getting married just to be done with It- When is it wrong? When is it right ?

Despite more people not feeling the need to marry and thinking that marriage is outdated and that it’s just the religious community’s way of approving one’s sex life, marriage has still generated a lot of interest worldwide. The definition of marriage is changing daily and with examples like gay marriages and threesome marriages cropping up, it is no wonder that marriage is such a hot topic in most countries. There are three categories of people who share different perspectives on marriage and they are as follows:

married to be done Those that think marriage is not good

There is a category of people who feel marriage is awful and we honestly can’t blame them. For someone to reach such a conclusion, they must have seen numerous bad examples of marriage, have been or are still in a bad marriage or are currently undergoing relationship problems. Another reason might be because they believe they can’t stay in love and sexually attracted to only a single person for the rest of their lives hence discrediting the marriage vows that include doing so.

Those that think marriage is beautiful

There is still another category who believe marriage is beautiful and sacred; such people are either in a successful and happy marriage or are dreaming about having one like that because they are seeing perfect examples of great marriages all around them. They might see a few bad examples, but in the end they choose to stick with the good side and believe they should be married because it is a good thing. You will hear them say, "I want to get married, someday” and they say it in this dreamy way. You will not be surprised if they already have their marriage vows written and practiced to perfection despite being currently single. They definitely can’t wait to sign the good marriage contract is such a thing exists. 

Those that just want to get over it 

There is still the third category that needs to get married and be done with that issue. Such people have their reasons too which are valid in their own eyes. Why do people get married? Is it in order to be done with it? When is it wrong to make such a decision and when is it right?

When is it wrong

There are different scenarios when it is wrong to get married just to achieve something or be done with it. Some of those scenarios are further outlined below:

Want to check as "Done” in your To-Do-List.

Just getting married in order to check it off the personal life list you created is really not right. Of course you finished schooling and pursued higher levels of education, nailed this great career which you are very successful at, have this lovely house and drive your dream car. The only thing on your list that is pending is the matrimony business which you want to get over with in order to accomplish this sense of fulfillment. Unless you intend to add one more thing on your list such as divorce, then avoid marriage for such a reason.

Famous ticking biological clock

Yes you love babies and want to have them and get done with it but are afraid you will be late. You love and need for babies shouldn’t prompt you to get married. There are other great ways to make your baby dream come true without necessarily getting yourself a husband? Having one around will definitely make it a bit easier, but it is definitely not worth it to get into this convenience marriage which in the end will bring you lots of heartache.

Age of maturity is here

Just because the maturity age has knocked in your life, that shouldn’t be your driving force to get into this lifelong commitment. This commitment is definitely not all about timeline. It is all about falling truly in love with the right person. It doesn’t matter whether you are 25 or 45 years of age.

You want to finally wear your fairytale dress

If you are one of those people who bought this lovely wedding dress awhile ago and hoped to wear it on your wedding day, then simply be patient. A dream dress isn’t the right reason to get into marriage. So you are itching to wear it and be done with it, can’t it wait? The dress will still be there the day you will find true love in that ideal partner and it will serve its purpose well as you walk down the aisle in it. 

As a rebound you might

You went through a bad relationship that led to a breakup which was actually very painful because you loved this ex. To get married so that you can heal your wounded heart, is the wrong reason to do so. Marriage is a lifelong thing and shouldn’t be your 
rebound relationship. Unless you want an unhappy marriage in the end riddled with phrases such as "I hate my wife, she keeps comparing me to her ex -boyfriend” or "I hate my husband, he keeps looking for his ex girlfriend in me” don’t do it. Effective ways on how to get over a breakup do exist, considering such a serious and strong commitment as a way is definitely leaning too far in the wrong direction.

You want financial comfort

Hooking up with a man because of various forms of financial security is not right. There is no guarantee that your filthy-rich guy will remain wealthy forever, a serious recession might hit the country, he might be in heavy debt or lose his job. What will happen then? The fake romantic quotes, the vows that you made, will haunt because he and the society will expect them to come true in that time when no financial comfort exists. Materialism is definitely the wrong foundation to set marriage on. You will only experience those financial benefits in such a marriage, but what about the other good things about marriage? Since you didn’t get in because you truly loved, you will be miserable. 7. Pressure From The Family
Tired of relatives asking when you intend to settle down , babies because all your younger sisters and the nieces, already married or seriously dating? Don’t take drastic measures and get married to the wrong person just to please the family feel better about yourself. Find other ways to silence the pressuring voices by gently reminding them that it is your decision to make. Some families even have suitors lined up for their children in order to strengthen family ties, they pressurize them to marry. Don’t succumb to pressure from family, it is you getting married not them. You have the right to choose when to do it and with whom. 

Because you have been asked

Just because your partner has proposed using a big, several- karat diamond, and the fireworks wrote, the "question” in the night sky, you don’t have to say yes. The marriage question shouldn’t be answered with a yes especially if you have any doubt. There might be all this song and dance about the proposal, engagement and wedding but when it comes to marriage, you will start feeling trapped because things aren’t working out. You definitely don’t want to be scouring the internet in the middle of the night a couple of months after you are married, looking for blogs that explain different ways on how to leave a bad marriage. He will not be the only one who will ask, so don’t be obligated to answer with a yes.

Good sex

Good sex is great and a very important part of a relationship but it should not be the only reason to marry. Just because whenever you are alone together you want to do it, doesn’t mean that you will be great as a marriage couple. When the time when you will not be sexually attracted to each other comes, and it will come, true love will help and sex will definitely not.

A baby coming

Pregnancy shouldn’t prompt marriage. But, if your baby’s father and you truly love each other before and even after pregnancy then its okay. Marriage shouldn’t be the "proper thing” to do during a pregnancy. You baby requires a love-filled and stable environment to thrive in. You don’t have to marry if you aren’t perfect for each other, instead there are better arrangements that can be put in place to ensure the baby is loved and cared for.

When should you marry? 

There are right reasons to marry and it is never right to get married just so you can be over it. Doing that shows that you don’t love yourself enough to get married for the right reasons and be part of the many healthy relationships that you envy. Take your time, revel in exploration of finding love, grow you’re your partner in love and you will highly likely to have a good marriage later. Not necessarily blissful because it is never completely blissful, but you will hardly have trust issues or other marriage issues common with those who clearly went in for the wrong reasons.


1 comment

After reading this article, i remembered one interesting film, called «Runaway Bride» (with the unforgettable Richard Gere). It is about the woman, who have problems with marriage.The raised topic is reflected in this comedy, i think, the one, who wants to find some answers, should watch it)
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