Do you have faith in in yourself? Do you have an image about yourself which you are trying to follow? Is that image the accurate echo of who you are or just an imaginative made for the masses in order to cover up your real self?
I have noted that the impression I had of myself during the course of my life has notoriously influenced the results I get. Many of us live our lives without thinking about these notions. Life goes fast and we are very busy, but I think that it’s worth to contemplate this. What idea I have about myself? How would I define myself? I am not talking about how would we describe ourselves for a job or for a prospective significant other. I am talking about who we think we really are and do we believe everything we think about ourselves? The answer is in our actions, rather than anything else. What we do is always dependable on who we think we are even if may not see it that way. Thus, a person who ‘keeps the change (returned),’ which tells a lie, which conforms to do a job in a mediocre way, really is showing us what is his opinion about himself.
In occasions, it’s worth to ‘fool’ ourselves a little, to imagine that we are better than we really are (or we think we are) and reach for higher standards. Just imagine that everybody is like you? What kind of world would that be?
In my experience, ‘believing’ that we are better and that we can have better results drags this congruence in the opposed direction. When we believe that we are better, we act better. And this, in turn, creates a virtuous circle of double entendre. Acting better also helps us to think that we are better.
The intimate visualization that we have about ourselves is crucial for our self-assurance. According to Nathaniel Branden: of all the trials to which we submit ourselves, none is as significant as our own. But when we talk about self-esteem, we don’t always know what it implies. Some see it as a synonym for arrogance or pride, as something negative. But is that true? Self-esteem is not believing that everything that we do we do well, feeling that we are superior to others and being proud and selfish. Self-esteem is the perception that we have about ourselves and it covers all aspects of life, from the physical to the interior, passing the value or the competition. Our self-esteem should have three basic components: self-concept – the things that you think about yourself, who you believe you are; self-respect - taking care of yourself as a person and the attitudes towards yourself; self-acceptance - to recognize and accept your strengths and limitations.
In the assessment that we make about ourselves throughout life, the assessment that’s not always matching the reality, what others see in us, or rather what we think others see, is crucial in determining our degree of self-esteem. To build our self-confidence means increasing personal value to oneself, no to others. When a person constantly seeks external approval, falls into its own trap, ends up into an endless cycle. Seeking approval from others, needing constant appreciation is the easiest way to condemn ourselves to servitude. We are no longer free we depend on others feeding our need of approval. At some point, we turn into emotional addicts suffering withdrawal symptoms. In search of happiness in the wrong places, we lose time and peace of our mind. When you confuse your personal value with the external complacency is when the self-esteem is shifted from its place. And those things are totally separate. Our experiences throughout life, what has happened to us, the relationships we have had with others, the sensations we have experienced, they all influence our character and therefore the impression we have of ourselves, beyond our way of being. So the opinion we have about ourselves sometimes changes depending on the situation. But the person with an adequate level of self-esteem holds positive feelings toward herself and has a confidence in her aptitude to face new challenges coming on her way. It is used to hold less aggressive and negative emotions, less depression than a person with low self-esteem emotions. It handles stress better and, when exposed to it, experience less negative effects to her health.
Sometimes the deceiving brain messages that we receive mislead our actions. So we start distressing about our future, about our interactions with people even our self-worth. This overanalyzing always ends up hurting us and leading us to an unproductive outcome. We waste our time on meaningless things and start believing that some of those things are actually true, when they are not.
We have all been in circumstances where we have doubted our self-worth because others have made us do it, have made us think less about ourselves. Especially in business interaction when nowadays everything is a competition. For some competing with others means putting others down so they can rise above them. Are we letting others dictate what we think about ourselves? Is our self-opinion so fragile that it can be shredded like some long forgotten papers?
The feelings we have about ourselves impact how we live our lives. People who sense that they are valued and treasured have better social affiliations. It’s more probable for them to ask for support and help from their close ones when necessary. People who think that they can attain their objectives and solve problems tend to carry out better in their professions. Having good self-esteem allows us to accept who we are and live life fully.
But, can we improve our self-esteem and how? Maybe we need a simple list to follow in order to get there:
- Stop having destructive judgements about yourself. Start thinking about the positive aspect of this weakness you have. At times, when you are too critical about yourself, say something positive and encouraging.
- Reach for the target, not the flawlessness. Some people are getting paralyzed when they try to make everything perfect. Instead of putting limits or targets that are too high, think that you are good with the things that you relish, and go for them.
- Consider your errors as learning chances. Be aware that you will make mistakes because everybody makes them. The mistakes are part of the learning progression. Remember that person’s skills are relentlessly evolving, and everyone surpasses at diverse things, that is what makes society remarkable.
- Attempt to do new-fangled things. Experiment with new activities that will put you in touch with your expertise. Then feel gratified with the new abilities you have assimilated.
- Pinpoint what you can alter and what not. If you see that something that you have is not making you content and you can amend it, start right now. If it is somewhat that you cannot change (like your stature), start working on loving yourself as you are.
- Set objectives. Decide what you like to achieve and then devise the strategy to do it. Stay with the plan and follow your progress. Give your best to make it, don’t make up excuses. Put a positive pressure and reach your goals.
- Be pleased with your beliefs and notions. Do not be troubled to express them. Remember that not everybody will like them and that’s ok. You have to consent that not everyone will like you too. People are just different, and they usually look in others things that they possess.
- Collaborate in social works. Give classes to friend that need them, help him with a project, help clean up your community, participate in a charity marathon for a great cause, or volunteer in an association. Feel that you can contribute something and that your help is recognized in order to increase your self-esteem.
- Workout! You will relieve tension and be in good health and more contented. Sometimes you can distress your mind by helping your body. Don’t forget that they are interconnected.
- Relax! Have you ever found yourself thinking if I were thinner/ more successful/ smarter I would have more friends? Enjoy spending your time with people you care about and doing things that you love. Have fun and enjoy yourself, don’t live your life in suspense.
It’s never too late to build a positive and vigorous self-esteem. In some circumstances, when the emotional wound is profound or long it is likely that the assistance of a mental health professional such as psychologist or therapist is needed. These specialists act as guides, they help people to love themselves and get to know themselves, to grasp what makes them unique and special. The self-esteem is tangled in nearly everything you do. People with high self-esteem carry out better in school/work/society and find it easier to socialize with others. They have better relations with people of their age and adults, they are happier and it’s easier for them to deal with faults, dissatisfactions, and disappointments, and is more probable to stick with something while waiting to thrive. It takes some work, but it’s an ability you’ll have for life. Just learn to believe in everything you think about yourself!